Monday, March 2, 2009

Lost Moments

Have you ever sat down after a busy day and wondered what happened to the day? I feel like that a lot lately. I get to that time when the boys are just about to go to bed and I think how much longer till bed. Then, the second they are in bed and the lights are turned out, I think what happened to the day. What do I do ever day?

I get up and feed the kids, which is a task since they usually want to pull on my leg until the food is ready and whine because they want to hold the oatmeal package or they want me to hold them. Then we sit down and I try to get them to eat, it takes everything in me not to freak out as they turn their heads and throw their cups repeatedly on the floor and whine that they want it back. Or how they just decided that today they don't want oatmeal even though they love it and eat it every day, and tomorrow they will love it again, but for today no oatmeal or Oranges or Bananas or whatever else it might be. More food ends up on the floor then in their mouth which also drives me crazy.

After eating and cleaning up we head up stairs to take a bath, but it is a chore these days to get them up the stairs all the way, and not go back down(when I go to get one the other starts back down and so on...) I shut the doors so they can't get into anything while I run the water. The boys usually end up pulling all the trash out of the Trash can or start to play in the toilet water or pull the dirty clothes out of the hamper. (As you can see by now there are lots of OR's). After finally getting them clean, we dry off and turn on Tiger and Pooh, and run around naked till I can catch one of them and wrestle them to the ground for lotion and diaper. The clothes come after I have had a breather, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, and we play till naps which after a full morning is only 30 min.

I go to school now at 11:30, so I leave around 11:10 to get to school on time(which I usually am not!). I shower and leave for classes, when I get back my Awesome mother has feed them while I am gone and I can just enjoy them. They see me and start to tell me something not quite anything but with enough motion that it has to be something! Maybe it is that the kids played with them or what they ate or that they missed me. I hope to one day when they really start to talk I can figure out what they are saying but till then, They miss me!

The kids play while I usually watch...T.V. that is, because at this point I am ready for a nap, but I don't take one and instead I break up fights over toys or calm crying upset kids with bumps or bruises. I get drinks and snacks and chase Tristin who has just ran into the Family room with his cup and try to send him back to the kitchen, while Gavin makes a break for it. Where do they think they are going anyways, they are hitting wall(which atleast makes it easier for me)? Nap time comes not a moment to soon, (which I hate to admit, but a little quite time with out the crying, whining, sick, hurt, hungry, thirsty, kids is a blessing for the little time left that they will take a 2nd nap) and while they nap I take the opportunity to get some math homework done. But all to soon it is dinner time and time to start the feeding process all over again.
I watch them play and I watch them interact with Grandma and Grandpa and I am just thankful that their attention is on someone else even if for just a second.
The then it is that time right before bed when I think what have I done with my day.

I wrote this maybe just to vent, but not to make it sound like I hate my kids or resent them. Because I do love them and they make me laugh even when they throw there cups on the floor for the 15th time. I love them no matter what they do or how much they do it. But I think that sometimes I am at that point everyday that I forget to just BE. I wish that I didn't just look forward to the next nap or bed time but instead I wish that I could enjoy the time that I am with them as something really special. I have been thinking lately about how I will never get this time back. This time right now and each moment I am in, I just need to enjoy it. I will miss everything if I constantly look at life as what is next instead of what I have at this very second.

I hope that I don't come off as sounding resentful, maybe a little drained but not so much that I can't recognize the mistakes I may have made and try to change! Sometime we look at other people's trials and we think I could never go through that, thinking we aren't strong enough. But I am thankful for my trials because they make me who I am, and I am a person that I am proud of and I am a lot stronger because of the things that I have had to bear. My trials aren't any less harder just because someone else's trials seem harder. I am just thankful for my parents who have been able to lift some of the burden and for my savior who without him I would be able to recognize these things and make changes for the better. The Lord does not give us anything harder then we are able to withstand!!!


Bailey said...

You don't sound resentful at all, you sound like a mom. I feel like you constantly and I only have one kid. I think you are an amazing mom, sister, student, friend, daughter, etc. Love you!

Chauntel said...

definitly and mom. i feel that way everyday. such is the life of a mom, to wonder where the day went, did i play enough, did i handle everything with out screaming etc...... I love you